Yesterday was no short of wonderful. I was surrounded by friends and family- good company. Much laughter and conversation. 

But I have word (via Facebook, how classy) that my granddad had a massive heart attack. He is in ICU, where I do not know. I honestly know nothing of him anymore. When my mom died that was the beginning of the end and my brother and I have respected our granddad's wishes and exited his life. 

But I never stopped loving him. 

And you know what, my cousins are trying hard to make sense of it all. Calling him the salt of the earth and bragging about what an amazing man he is.

I already know that. And while it has hurt for some time, I honestly had him at his best.

Okay, that's not entirely true. He was never the same after my grandma died, but my mom made up for that. Oh, he loved her so much and she him. And Scotty and I being her children, it was a match made in Heaven.

Granddad was in my life during the crucial years that I needed him the most. In high school, I was up there almost every other weekend. Sometimes with Scotty, or a friend, but mostly myself. And we would walk the beach together, go out in the boats together, he'd sit on the dock and watch me swim in the bay. Like a lighthouse keeping a look out for the boats that sailed by. I'd stay up through the night and straight on till morning if he'd let me, just listening to him talk and tell all of his amazing tales of the sea. And best of all, that man taught me how to read the stars and find my way home. I can chart the waters and the skies all thanks to that man. 

My mother was an earth mother like her mother before her. My granddad though, he was a father of the sea. He appreciated the earth, that was grandma. But he is all ocean, the wide vast oceans. Granddad Herzer. 

The moon shone gold tonight and now it has vanished from view. I do not know if I will ever see my granddad again, on this earth anyway. But whether that side of the family admits it or not, there is part of him within me.

Granddad, I love you. I have always loved you and I never stopped. You are in my heart tonight, but know that you have never truly ever left it in the first place.