Wow. Time has certainly gotten away from me. Today is a big day, in all seriousness really.
It's the day Marty McFly went "Back to the Future!"
I remember watching that movie for the first time with my family, sitting in our living room. I was so excited when my parents told me that I'd be alive October 21, 2015
I remember being sure that my whole family would be there.
But life has different plans sometimes.
He has greater plans.
So I've been told.

I caved today. It was accidental, my music was on shuffle. It certainly isn't the first time my iTunes has played my Christmas music before, but I usually breeze right on by when that happens. But I opted out and just listened to the song that played. "The First Noel." One of my most favorites. Even as a child it could bring me to tears. And 27 years later it still does.

You should know dear reader, that the month of October is when the holiday festivities start in my family. And goes on till Easter. And it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if I'm also feeling a little down because of my baby brother's birthday. Who is this young man?! And where is my baby brother?!

~

I miss Europe with all my heart. I miss the part of me that I got to be while I was over there. I was amazing, I was beautiful, brash and bold, adventurous and very self-aware. I was unstoppable and it was incredible.

But I missed home.
And it's so good to be home.
Christmas back home. (:

But it's still the same every year. I miss a life that I can't ever get back.
I try very hard to get our home to what it used to be, but...
I miss my dad in his silly Christmas sweaters and always lugging a mug of hot, hot chocolate around. A smile on his face as he'd hang out in the kitchen with my mom - making his spritz cookies. Both of them laughing and chatting about their days, and ultimately - us. Nothing made my parents happier then talking about how much they loved us. What a sweet treasured memory.
The CD player in the living room playing on loop all of our family favorite Christmas songs.
The dogs and the cats all clean and ready for Christmas and its festivities, bouncing around trying to snag some treats.
Scotty tinkering around on something in his room, getting ready to astound us all with one of his many homemade and handmade gifts. He is our granddad's grandson, mom would be proud.
My mom.
I miss coming home to my mama. With the Christmas tree up and the smell of fresh baked gingerbread men wafting in from the kitchen, and the beautiful sight of the winter wonderland she has transformed our house into. I miss stay up late at night and tip toeing into the living room and finding my mom sitting on the sofa with no lights but the glow of the Christmas tree and a glass of warm milk waiting for me. Oh Lord, could we sit there and talk for hours. And we did. We most certainly did.

Nothing makes my heart happier and more sad than this time of year.
But I would never take any of it back. The short time I had  in that wonderland, the memories will last me a lifetime.

"Noel Noel Noel Noel, born is the King of Israel."